I am puke
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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