Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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