You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
