Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
