I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
