I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
