well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize