I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
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It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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