I want to make a zoo with you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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