There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
