i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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