It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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