His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
