he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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