ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
