Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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