theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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