I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
