the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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