remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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