my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
