what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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