having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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