Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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