You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
