You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
