i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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