Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
foreskin is a definite game changer
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
