Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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