chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you inspire me to be a worse person
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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