took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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