i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
