I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
