I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
