I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
