im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
