I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
