It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
