I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
