remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had sex on a dog bed..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
