nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
