im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
