Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
