Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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