I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
