Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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