It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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