I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
