i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
