EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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