I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
