He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
