he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
