Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize