The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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