Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
