Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
