I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
home. puking in laundry basket.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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