when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
