next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
