worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
