today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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