You made me cry and you don't even care
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
